yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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