marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
