Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
