never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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