Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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