Got a toothbrush?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
