This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
