We won't sleep together?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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