i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
