How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
