Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
