how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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