I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
