I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
