Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
