i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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