Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
