Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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