just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
