the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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