If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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