i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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