Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
