i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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