I seem to have left my pride at pride
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
