I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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