once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
