And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
