A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
