Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
