I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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