got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
