Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
