Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was born a porn star she said
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
