Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
