I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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