You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
