this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
