Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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