Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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