party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
