3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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