can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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