So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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