Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
