I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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