i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
