Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
