Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
