the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
