guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize