Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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