This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
