I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
